Instead, this is what I learned:
1. Children over the age of eight will actually get up and start getting ready without their mother around. Yeah!
2. However, they will also let the dog out of his crate because they feel sorry for him, but then they will not watch him. Not yeah.
3. Dogs will eat anything they can reach; chocolate cakes left too close to the edge of the kitchen counter by a kid are no exception.
4. Plastic packaging does not keep dogs out of chocolate cake.
5. Chocolate is toxic for dogs.
6. When a dog ingests chocolate, vomiting must be induced immediately.
7. All of the online vets agree that the best way to induce vomiting is with hydrogen peroxide.
8. Movers throw out hydrogen peroxide.
9. No stores anywhere close to our house that carry hydrogen peroxide are open before eight in the morning.
10. There is a Walgreens definitely NOT close to our house that stays open 24 hours.
11. There is MUCH traffic in our area in the morning.
12. Children stop getting ready for school when their mother is driving around trying to find hydrogen peroxide.
13. Dogs do not like the taste of hydrogen peroxide.
14. The vets are right; hydrogen peroxide does induce vomiting -- A LOT OF IT!
15. A dog's body holds an incredible amount of stuff. It comes out both ends in great quantities. They then try to eat it.
16. When a dog has (unbeknownst to you) chewed multiple holes in a garden hose and then you turn on the faucet full blast to clean up said stuff so that the dog won't eat it, you get VERY wet.
17. Having said stuff on his paws and face does not keep a dog from jumping up on you for attention.
18. When you are cleaning up all the piles of stuff and trying really hard not to also vomit, you will find that dog poop left overnight in the rain in autumn in Texas grows mold that makes it look like large fuzzy caterpillars, but definitely not the cute kind and significantly more smelly.
19. Cleaning up the entire mess takes a long time.
20. You can't wash the heebie-jeebies away no matter how long you stand in the shower.
21. Beginning your day like this makes you wonder why you got up
...and why you have the dog...
and why you keep him...
(and the children...)
Anybody want a dog? He's cute... : )
8 comments:
So...I didn't know whether to laugh or cry along with ya.
Makes even my worst mornings look like little rays of sunshine.
Also, I didn't know if dogs ate chocolate, that we were supposed to induce vomiting. Our poor little Sasha. She probably has brain damage...chocolate is just evil...for all of us. h2o2 huh? I have certainly learned a few things from your post! :) Especially about how good you are, I would have lost it! Go Wonder Woman! (I say wonder woman because 1. she's hot 2. she has curves and 3. I had pj's like her when I was a kid - therefore she is my favorite and her title can only be bestowed upon those who are most deserving of her hotness and strength...and besides and I think she eats chocolate!)
Hope the rest of your day runs better. :)
oh wow! you have had a rough start to your day! i hope it gets better! :)
M, that was great. Thanks for letting me know why I don't want a dog. And yes, he is very cute...the kids too!
Thanks for the reminder on why we don't have a dog!
Sorry to hear about a miserable morning.
Keep smiling!
This was hilarious! I should know better than to try to read your blog in the "study room" at the law school--it's supposed to be quiet here, so the natives don't take too kindly to my unsuccessful efforts to stifle the uncontrollable laughter.
What made it even funnier is that your Playlist.com music was running in the background while I was reading. And do you remember what song plays first on your playlist? Oh, the irony! Hee hee!
You had me laughing by #5, tears by the end! Maybe I can relate too well ...
Welcome to pet ownership. Next time you won't worry if the dog dies or not!
You guys make me laugh! I love you all. And, yes, Marko, "Thankful" is pretty darned ironic! I think that makes it even better... : )
My kids have been begging for a dog for years. I'm not so big on pets. Your post makes me feel so much better about not ever giving in. However we did get a cat but she takes care of herself.
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