At 5:30 this morning, Jess and I went to pick up the girl that we carpool with for seminary, but she had slept in. So I took Jess to seminary and decided to just wait for her until class was over at 6:30 instead of driving back and forth. In my maternal naivete, I assumed that my other four children would get out of bed on time, get ready for school, and all would be well when I returned home--with perfect children greeting me with happy faces, everyone ready to go to school, and the house having been miraculously cleaned by the cleaning fairy.
Instead, this is what I learned:
1. Children over the age of eight
will actually get up and start getting ready without their mother around. Yeah!
2. However, they will also let the dog out of his crate because they feel sorry for him, but then they will not watch him. Not yeah.
3. Dogs will eat anything they can reach; chocolate cakes left too close to the edge of the kitchen counter by a kid are no exception.
4. Plastic packaging does not keep dogs out of chocolate cake.
5. Chocolate is toxic for dogs.
6. When a dog ingests chocolate, vomiting must be induced immediately.
7. All of the online vets agree that the best way to induce vomiting is with hydrogen peroxide.
8. Movers throw out hydrogen peroxide.
9. No stores anywhere close to our house that carry hydrogen peroxide are open before eight in the morning.
10. There is a Walgreens definitely NOT close to our house that stays open 24 hours.
11. There is MUCH traffic in our area in the morning.
12. Children stop getting ready for school when their mother is driving around trying to find hydrogen peroxide.
13. Dogs do not like the taste of hydrogen peroxide.
14. The vets are right; hydrogen peroxide
does induce vomiting -- A LOT OF IT!
15. A dog's body holds an incredible amount of stuff. It comes out both ends in great quantities. They then try to eat it.
16. When a dog has (unbeknownst to you) chewed multiple holes in a garden hose and then you turn on the faucet full blast to clean up said stuff so that the dog
won't eat it, you get VERY wet.
17. Having said stuff on his paws and face does not keep a dog from jumping up on you for attention.
18. When you are cleaning up all the piles of stuff and trying really hard not to also vomit, you will find that dog poop left overnight in the rain in autumn in Texas grows mold that makes it look like large fuzzy caterpillars, but definitely not the cute kind and significantly more smelly.
19. Cleaning up the entire mess takes a long time.
20. You can't wash the heebie-jeebies away no matter how long you stand in the shower.21. Beginning your day like this makes you wonder why you got up
...and why you have the dog...
and why you keep him...
(and the children...)
Anybody want a dog? He's cute... : )